Posted in Conservatism, Political Rhetoric on August 30, 2011 | Leave a Comment »
My latest here on the Right and conservative war rhetoric — and how one of the candidates keeps sounding so odd in comparison to the rest. Ron Paul is not, in fact, a crazy man. His views on war policy have a 
long pedigree in conservative philosophy and political policy during the nation’s history.
He’s not my candidate, but I was glad to have the chance to write about this in Paul’s hometown paper of Galveston, Texas.
Posted in Campaign Trail, Conservatism, Media Criticism, tagged Jon Stewart, Republicans, Ron Paul on August 16, 2011 | Leave a Comment »
A tribute to the invisible candidate, whose strange fate as the guy who can’t win for losing, or can’t lose for winning, or win for winning…was chronicled by Roger Simon in POLTICO and then Jon Stewart last night. My contribution is courtesy of, and with  apologies to, Kander and Ebb.
If someone stood out in a crowd
And raised his voice up way out loud
And talked about ending wars and the Fed…
You’d notice him.
If someone in the Straw Poll show
Came in second, ahead of the rest of the row
You’d think it was a story, that he had some street cred…
You’d notice him.
And even without clucking like an Alaskan hen
Everyone gets noticed, now and then,
Unless, of course, that personage should be
Invisible, inconsequential me, Congressman Ron P.
Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
‘Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I’m there…
Suppose you was a Texas doctor
Whose quotes were often shockers
You think folks would perk their ears?
You’d notice him.
Suppose you almost won the state fair
And you beat the folks with great hair
Except for a Minnesotan woman, who people fear?
You’d notice him.
A politician’s made of more than air
With all that advertising, you’re bound to see him there
Unless that candidate next to you
Is unimpressive, undistinguished
You know who…
Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
‘Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I’m there…
Hope I didn’t take up too much of your time.
Posted in Campaign Trail, Conservatism, Political Rhetoric, tagged Ames Straw Poll, Conservatives, Jon Huntsman, Michelle Bachmann, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Republicans, rhetoric, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Tim Pawlenty on August 12, 2011 | Leave a Comment »
After a Twitterific GOP debate, here are my nominations for the winners and losers:
Woodrow Wilson 14 Points Award: Mitt Romney. At the debate’s outset he boldly gave us a 50% Wilson, with his Seven Point Plan. Herman Cain and Tim Pawlenty each announced Four Points. Newt had many points but did not quantify them.
Michael Moore Awful Truth Award: Ron Paul. For pointing out that during the cold war the Soviet Union had 30,000 ICBMs pointed at us, yet Ronald Reagan talked to them. Iran today may acquire a single nuclear weapon. But the right wing now says we cannot talk to them.
Rear Admiral James B. Stockdale Awkwardness Award: Jon Huntsman. For trying to seem moderate but mainly attracting attention for his quavering voice. Who are you, and why are you here?
Fox News Was Not Softballing Award: Byron York, for asking Michele Bachman about what it means to be a submissive wife.
George W. Bush Strategery Award: Mitt Romney. Keep them quarreling with each other, and not with you. And you will come out ahead.
Nothing to Lose Award: Tim Pawlenty. He will, in fact, mow your lawn and cook you dinner if you will just. Please. Help. Him.
Sarah Palin Gotcha! Journalism Award: Newt Gingrich, who proved this wonderfully useful rhetorical dodge can be used just as easily with Fox reporters as with lamestreamers like Katie Couric.
Your Dormant Twitter Feed Is Making Me Sad Award: #JonHuntsman.
Ronald Reagan Mention Award: Tie: Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul, with two a piece. And sadly, half of these mentions were defensive: Ron Paul defending cold war detente, and Newt Gingrich defending his staff shakeup with a comparison to Reagan’s in 1980.
Who Came Up With This Metaphor Award: Newt Gingrich, with his employment of “Mickey Mouse” Gotcha journalism, as well as saying of the deficit Supercommittee “we can shoot you in the head or cut off your right leg, which do you prefer?”
